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2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - Printable Version

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2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - Malcolm - 07-06-2009

Restricted Areas

We’ve read and heard from some quarters recently, to our great amazement, that, “There’s nowhere left to watch the TT as it’s all prohibited now.”

RR Berrie DSM rejected this idea impeccably, between sips from another mug of milky coffee, tenderly prepared using top-class, fresh milk from Cooils’ cows at Bradda.

“What a bunch of planktimonious monkeys…………they need to get off their f≠t ar≠≠≠ and look!” he exclaimed emotionally.

In “How to see the TT in comfort” by Stanley Woods (sponsored by Mobiloil in 1952) Stanley, agreeing with RR Berrie DSM, also exclaimed emotionally,

“There’s room round the course for ten or twenty Cup Final crowds to have a close-up view of the race in comfort if only they start out for the course in good time, know their way to the sections they wish to see, and – above all – know how to get quickly from overcrowded vantage points to others where the planktimonious monkeys are not so thick on the ground.”

Road Repairs

Early checks on the road-edge at the exit to Gorse Lea revealed structural problems that were instantaneously addressed by the gentlemen of the DoT. Work was, eventually, carried out very professionally by a team with wagons, diggers, traffic lights, portaloos, mobile canteens and a small dog called Spot. That very evening 5 or 6 riders tested the foot-wide strip of new tarmac, by running dangerously wide on the exit of the bend. All offered grateful thanks for the repairs.

ITV4 Coverage

The Gorse Lea Men fully endorse the TT coverage that is devouring the memory in fancy modern recording gadgets all over the world. It is particularly gratifying for us to watch multitudes of merciless midges being annihilated in slow-mo by Guy, Cam, John and Co. We would also like to record our gratitude to a former owner of Cronk Breck House who, over 40 years ago (approximate estimate only, so don’t get trading standards involved) thoughtfully planted a large, deciduous tree (Acer pseudoplatanus, if memory serves me right) to protect our privacy from the TV camera, on the scaffolded position beyond the Kennaa Road, and from exposing the contents of our modest meal to the gawping world. How could we restrain the hungry hordes should they catch a glimpse of the delicious home-made fruit cake from Mrs Berrie's multiple-award-winning Aaron House, Port St Mary, establishment (appointed supplier of high-class gateaux and beverages to Gorse Lea Marshals)?

Operation Phil

Marshal Phil, who is still recovering from recent surgery on an old shoulder injury (WW2, allegedly, but may have been caused by an encounter with an old boiler several years ago) and has been victim of occasional, slightly insensitive comments from team members, is feeling a great deal better, now that he can brag that he has “Cameron Donald Shoulder.”

The Alamo
Marshal Jon basked for a few evenings in glorious sunshine at Knock Breck 2, relieving the boredom between sessions by engaging in friendly bouts of flag-wrestling with Uncle Bulgaria. Later in Practice Week Uncle Bulgaria was seen to be wearing his Davy Crockett hat (of TV Fame) in a thinly-disguised attempt to attract the focus of the neighbouring ITV4 camera. Sector Marshal Fitzgerald is currently agreeing a price with Uncle Bulgaria for a “Genuine Ballagarraghyn Polecat Hat”, although all his attempts to capture a hat have failed so far.

Nature Notes

Paul Bird turned up at Friday night’s practice and inspected the Gorse Lea position. He expressed approval at the set-up. Fortunately (we agreed) the Gorse Lea Pheasant had not returned from The Priory as we were a little suspicious of Paul’s motives for visiting.

Fashion Note

We welcomed retired Sector Marshal Alexander for several practice sessions at the Harold Leece Shelter. He expressed disappointment upon observing that only your correspondent had already had a customised warrant card holder stitched to his new marshalling tabard. Regular readers will of course recall that The Gorse Lea, Customized, Stitched-On, Warrant-Card Holder, was adapted by the progressive Southern 100 Club as early as 2004 to replace the restrictive armbands.

TTxGP Techical Stuff

The truck load of bottles of water and rubber gloves has been widely distributed amongst the company, and the dishes are clean. Privately owned double-A battery chargers are to be made available, and I’ll take along my wind-up radio - as that is how things usually are at Gorse Lea, ~ Gateway to the Wild West.

Gorse Lea Marshals – Always Up To Scratch

RE: 2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - Don Simons - 12-06-2009

After promising never to respond to this garrulous Gorse Lea gossip since Cargo violated my confidentiality recently, I have relented and decided to do something positive for this superannuated band of metabolically challenged TT enthusiasts. I have just inked a contract with a major soft drink manufacture for a three year sponsorship deal for the Gorse Lea site. In respect for their total abstinence and absence from their families they have offered to provide a nearly new bench for their comfort between races. We are currently in the process of disassembling the bench and making arrangement for it to be sea freighted to the IOM in time for the MGP. The marketing manager for the sponsors told me that the bench will be repacked and freighted to London in time for the next Olympics so they hope it will not be overloaded during its time on the Island.
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RE: 2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - John Foster - 12-06-2009

[Image: drench1.jpg]

Dear Mr Simons,

Please refrain from arranging advertising contracts on behalf the Gorse Lea Marshals. You insist on ignoring the phenomenal success of The Famous Gorse Lea Pheasant in the Drench televisual advertisement.

Click here to run Drench Video

As a result of this success our lawyers, Benchson, Hedges and Scratchit, are in negotiation with Britvic for the supply of a seating installation at Gorse Lea. They have already reached agreement that the installation will be known as "The Drench Bench."

Should you continue to jeopardise this project we may be forced to publish details of your recent expenses claims for homes in Australia, Japan, and Bride.

Yours sincerely,
John RS Foster

RE: 2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - Don Simons - 14-06-2009

As usual Mr Foster is his usual taciturn and acerbic self and so looking a gift horse in the mouth tries to hide behind the Famous Gorse Lea Pheasant which all of us know is a Trojan Pheasant which he has created to deflect criticism from his good self for turning down the very generous deal I had arranged for his group of merry men. My backers have now withdrawn their offer of support and will seek more appreciative recipients further around the Mountain Course. However as I have not a malicious bone in my body I persevered and cemented a deal with the Matsudo shire Parks and Gardens minister for the delivery of a slightly shorter bench to be exported on a sister city cultural exchange basis. I am confident that Foster's back door deal with British Tobacco for a set of stools will be revealed for the fraud that it is. My inside source in the Manx Govt. assures me if the cigarette stools do appear at Gorse Lea they will be confiscated under the bylaw referring to vagrancy "those without visible support will be removed to a place of reeducation."
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RE: 2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - John Foster - 14-06-2009

Don Simons Wrote:I am confident that Foster's back door deal with British Tobacco for a set of stools will be revealed for the fraud that it is. My inside source in the Manx Govt. assures me if the cigarette stools do appear at Gorse Lea they will be confiscated under the bylaw referring to vagrancy "those without visible support will be removed to a place of reeducation."

"Back door/stools/inside source/Manx Govt.!!!!!!!!!!"

Who could blame us for being a little worried by the above offer.

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RE: 2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - Don Simons - 16-06-2009

The predictable below the belt reply from the Port St Mary poser. However like the swimmer in the sewerage canal
I will continue on undeterred to bring support to the weak the needy and the oppressed Morris dancers of Gorse Lea.
It only takes one bad apple!!!!
Poor Cargo was forced to go to ground when he volunteered to marshal at Gorse Lea. (see photo) Write to your
local minister, support my new campaign now for a mini grandstand at GL and 600 metres of Pheasant-Guard Phensing.
I have it on good authority that George took matters into his own hands and told the
pheasants to pheasant-off (or something similar) but as usual they took no notice of him and phlew
back to their strutting grounds just before Ballacraine.
NB.Pheasant-Guard Phensing is a registered charity of which I am the president.


[Image: 3631976550_cccf2fe97d.jpg]
One too many rough and scrumpy cider.

RE: 2009 Gorse Lea Marshals Report No 2 - Jan Grainger - 16-06-2009

Oh Don, I see you and I are on the same page and except for Shaun Harris, we are tamongst he ones to wake up first each morning. Then again, Shaun might be sleeping in these days 'cause it's so damn cold in the land of the 'long white cloud'. Anyway, back to the subject. I would sincerely wish to donate to your """charity"""". Anything to help those famous GLM folk. To where should I send a cheque. lol