Ian, I represent interests in Nigeria and I would like your help, we have $684,000,000 that we have embezzled from the Nigerian Government. If you would be kind enough to send me all your bank account numbers together with your pin numbers and if possible a copy of your signature, I will deposit into your account 33% of the above sum for your trouble. You could also direct us to donate it to the charity of your choice, such as the John Foster retirement fund.
Trust me I am an Australian!