2008 Gorse Lea Marshals’ Late Extra

Joey Dunlop Foundation
Thank you to the Gorse Lea and Cronk Breck spectators who again contributed so generously to the collection buckets, overloading the one enthusiastically shaken to destruction by RR Berrie DSM. The amount raised at this TT came to nearly £500.

Belgian Frank
News of our latest recruit, renamed “Belgian Euro” at Gorse Lea, reached us via the bush telephone exchange (Sector Marshal Fitzgerald). It appears that Frank was partying a little too enthusiastically in Douglas, on the evening following his triumphant Gorse Lea maiden assignment. Emerging from a hostelry, he attempted to swing youthfully around a streetlamp, but the post disobligingly fell over. This attracted the interest of the Constabulary who generously provided him with overnight B&B accommodation. Inevitably there was speculation at the frontier post that Frank/Euro had acted under the illusion that the new 5-star facility at Jurby was already open for business. In the cold light of day it was discovered that the whole row of lamp-posts was dangerously corroded, so Frank/Euro was confirmed innocent and fêted as a champion for alerting the H&S brigade.

Later that day, at the Marshals’ Supper, Frank/Euro was again a guest of the Constabulary when he was invited to join the Chief Constable at the top table.


Stunning News
There was shocking pre-breakfast drama at Aaron House (appointed suppliers of high class gateaux to the Gorse Lea Marshals) on TT Race Wednesday. RR Berrie DSM was studying the previous day’s edition of The Sun, in one of the copious water-closets in the Port St Mary establishment, when he was struck by the idea that a light had just fallen on his head. In fact a heavy, glass light shade had just mysteriously detached itself from its mountings and bounced off Berrie’s bonce. Sabotage is suspected.

RR, confirming the strong resistance of his skull, had recovered sufficiently from his ordeal to declare himself fit for Gorse Lea duties within an hour of the skullduggery. He accepted the predictable comments from the rest of the Gorse Lea Troop without a flicker (probably because he was still feeling light-headed). There were numerous positive questions and one or two earthy ones, but RR was still confused and obviously two-phased to responder.
“Are you still wondering watt hit you when you were doing a little light reading at ohm? You’re looking a little flushed this morning, has your resistance weakened, or are you just down on power? Do you fancy a quick circuit before the roads close? I’ll switch places with you as I want to see if Caroline Cells is in the programme. Are there currents in these buns?”

Welcome to Greeba
TT visitors will have failed to notice the new sign that the Department of Transport erected on the grass verge, adjacent to the Shelter. This is only to be expected because, just days after the beautiful, metal “Welcome to Greeba” sign appeared at knee height, on two metal posts firmly set in concrete, we asked for it to be taken down for the safety of the riders (and the welfare of our shins). The DoT promptly removed the new sign, and fancy new (slip-out) bases were placed in fresh concrete so that, in future, the sign could be slipped in and out of position with ease.

It has only recently been noticed that our team forgot to replace the handsome new sign in its stunning new base units at the end of TT week. This is entirely as a result of a domestic accident in Port St Mary, and we can only apologise to all those disappointed visitors so sadly deprived of the spectacle of the “Welcome to Greeba” sign. There was speculation that the DoT has plans to erect a motorway services sign in its place for next TT, and Euro-friendly lamp-posts are bound to follow. The notice is expected to include symbols depicting all of the facilities and wildlife that can be found at Greeba, and irratepayers will fund it.

Visitors
Thanks to the Department of Transport, the existence of the concealed welcome sign increased the numbers of visitors to Gorse Lea (and the volume of cash in the broken JDF bucket). Charlie Williams, Michael Rutter and other celebrities honoured us with visits to the Shelter. We are also optimistic that Mr Larry Devlin of Bangor (and with an ancestral seat in Castletown) will visit during MGP.

There was prolonged discussion as to whether we should start an autograph board. It was agreed that this would necessitate setting up a small working party to report back late after nearly two years’ delay. Inevitably there would have to be a risk assessment, a planning application (which Phil said would be turned down until we included first-time buyers’ homes in the drawing). This in turn would attract the attention of the nature conservationists, keen to protect the unique Culicoides Impunctatus habitat, and a man from Heritage Homes would turn up frequently to make generous offers for the freehold on the land.

Fuel Crisis
The Team is hopeful that, following this mention in a GLea Report, Mrs Sandra Holland of Ballakilpheric will continue in her highly-valued role (or roll?) as supplier of delicious sandwiches to the Gorse Lea Marshals.

Bug##r Off!
I am pleased to confirm that Gorse Lea Marshals have agreed a Manx Grand Prix contract with an internationally famous cosmetics company (the name should ring a bell) for the supply of bottles of their excellent spray at the bargain price of £2.50 each. You may remember that this product has undergone strict field (and hedge) trials at Gorse Lea and achieved the highest scores under testing conditions (the personnel involved in the trials certainly tick that box). Buy now while stocks last. Make scratching a thing of the past.

Late Footnote (or Headcase?)
There is continued concern for RR Berrie DSM. Claiming that he had not received his MGP marshalling form, he called at the TTMA Office to harass the secretary. He discovered that not only had he received the form but he had already completed and returned it.

Gorse Lea Marshals – Always Up To Scratch.

Brilliant, made my day. Been waiting for this for a long time - keep them coming. Will be over for the Manx and straight into the internet cafe during the fortnight to see if there are any more reports to cheer up our team

Readers will, of course, recall the trauma suffered by RR Berrie DSM as recently as late May, when he was witness to a horrifying scene of carnage at Castletown Corner (see postings passim.. "PTS Syndrome").
It takes time to heal these deep wounds, and I hope he is resting, and that the good Mrs RR Berrie DSM is coddling him appropriately.
Best wishes for a full recovery in time for the MGP, dear RR Berrie DSM.

Old Woman Wrote:Brilliant, made my day. Been waiting for this for a long time - keep them coming. Will be over for the Manx and straight into the internet cafe during the fortnight to see if there are any more reports to cheer up our team

Internet cafe ????

Why ? for heavens sake ?

Get on yer bike/car/bus/train/shanks pony and go to Gorse Lea
Mind you rumour has it that certain persons will be missing most of race week.......But you can be sure of a full turn out on Newcomers Monday.

The Shelter


As usual the multilingual Ghastly extortionists have done an excellent job of wallet lightening in their area of influence. I am sure the latest multicultural approach will be a success despite the refugee from the Common Market’s less than illuminating Gene Kelly impression that removed Marlene’s meeting places.
Thank you John for pulling the plug on the story of the week from busy Port St Mary; the owners of the cake shop were delighted I am sure. The glare of Edistonian publicity can only be good for trade. However it does turn the spotlight on the safety of multi-purpose rooms of whatever size. We hope RR Berrie DSM’s short term memory problems are not age related but rather due to his recent contemplation-interuptus incident.
Many people will be happy that the DoT have given up on Greeba and are big enough to say so. The prototype sign which is now languishing in the DoT paint shop was rejected by the grammar police, it read “Greeba You are Welcome to It”. But as usual an inverse logic applied and visitor numbers to Greeba increased, perhaps to see if there really was something there after all.
My feeling is that Mr Devlin will be quite at home among the horizontal marshals of Ghastly following his recent highly publicised love-in at Castletown corner.
Since such a good rapport has been struck up with the DoT, rather than a signature board, my feeling is that the department could supply a fresh slab of concrete for a Hollywood style hand print and signature event around the shelter which would entertain future generations of waiting bus passengers.
On the subject of midges (Culicoides impunctatus Goetghebuer [Diptera: Ceratopogonidae]) recent research has revealed that their numbers are directly linked to the organic and water content of the surrounding soil. Under these circumstances more analysis of the human behaviour in the direct surrounds of the shelter may be called for.
Disgarded sandwitch crusts may also be encouraging these Scottish Highland comeovers.
We look forward to the MGP developments in this rurual sinecure and your continued reports.

Let's give give Greeba a chance, for Don's sake. What symbols should appear on the sign?



A Very Rough Guide to Greeba - Part 1



Literary Greeba
Hall Caine died at his home, Greeba Castle (built 1849) on the Isle of Man on 31st August 1931, in his 79th year. For twenty years between 1893 and 1930 he had held an unquestioned place as one of the best-read of British authors.

In 1894 he wrote (in anticipation of the Manx Grand Prix?):

"Our August Visitors.
During August the island is visited by great multitudes from the northern counties. The people are of every class, ranging from the operative to the manufacturer. They are excellent people too. It is impossible not to feel a strong respect for them as a whole. They are the sturdiest, cleverest part of the English race. But it is hard to deny that they are the most ru~ged part of it a!so. Their manners are primitive ; their dialect is broad; their humour is still broader. After eleven months and two weeks of imprisonment in factories, with little more of the country than is to be got out of their town parks, and out of their back gardens, where they are like larks on a sod in a cage, they come here to have a good time. We are quite willing that they should have it. They take it in their own fashion. It is not our fashion, but we are not going to tell them how they ought to enjoy themselves, so long as they conduct themselves on the public roads with decency and good nature. The moment they cease to do that, we shall shew them that they are no longer our welcome guests."

He was a snotty little b*gger, wasn't he!

Illustrates the true meaning of the words "elitist snob" - but then, we knew that already.

Lousy novelist, too!

Well I would like to say something good about Greeba but there is precious little to say unless we talk about the snotty little leftist snob who married his 14 year old wife and left her to do all the work while he fathered illegitimate children elsewhere.
There is even a statue of him in Douglas:

Then there is also the Greeba Stone, something Father Ted would call a class three relic. I can't wait to see it!!!!


Of course when Ramsey had an airport it was named after him "Hall Caine Airport" no wonder it closed.

Then there is the Wesleyan Methodist Chapel - Oh sorry it closed in 1975. Closed through lack of interest I suppose.

There are some exciting hand painted Greeba Pet Bowls, now that is something everyone will be thronging to buy come MGP time. Better place your order early so as not to be disappointed.


I will keep researching this exciting corner of the world and let you know if I uncover any adrenalin surging points of interest.

C'mere - there's more..........
http://www.highlander.co.im/1buggane.htm

How remiss of me; of course, the roofless (also window and floorless) Chapel of St Trinnian's would have to be a fun day out for the whole family. However be warned that none other than ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE (before he was knighted) has remarked on this haunted place and quoted the following first-hand account in his reputation ruining "THE COMING OF THE FAIRIES":

One remarkable first-hand case of seeing fairies came from the Rev. Arnold J. Holmes. He wrote:
“The startling phenomena occurred on my journey home from Peel Town at night to St. Mark's (where I was Incumbent). "After passing Sir Hall Caine's beautiful residence, Greeba Castle, my horse--a spirited one--suddenly stopped dead, and looking ahead I saw amid the obscure light and misty moonbeams what appeared to be a small army of indistinct figures--very small, clad in gossamer garments. They appeared to be perfectly happy, scampering and tripping along the road, having come from the direction of the beautiful sylvan glen of Greeba and St. Trinian's Roofless Church. The legend is that it has ever been the fairies' haunt, and when an attempt has been made on two occasions to put a roof on, the fairies have removed all the work during the night, and for a century no further attempts have been made. It has therefore been left to the 'little people' who claimed it as their own. "I watched spellbound, my horse half mad with fear. The little happy army then turned in the direction of Witch's Hill, and mounted a mossy bank; one 'little man' of larger stature than the rest, about 14 inches high, stood at attention until all had passed him dancing, singing, with happy abandon, across the Valley fields towards St. John's Mount."


This extract is quoted to refute the existence of fairies as what the good Reverend observed after exiting the fleshpots and ale houses of Peel, was indeed a group of Gorse Lea marshals filled with cider and Melton Mowbray pie staggering back to the Witch's place for a nightcap. There is the mystery of the 14inch man yet to be solved, the reference to St John's Mount and the gossamer garments for decorum's sake I will make no comment.

A Very Rough Guide to Greeba - Part 2



The sceptics (and possibly the septics) amongst you will find this hard to believe, but there was the famous Battle of Greeba in 1937. An army of police marksmen defeated a battalion of feral sheep in the King's Forest Greeba, to defend the nation against sheep scab.

A Very Rough Guide to Greeba - Part 3

The publicity wizards at the DTL have been working on a new image for Greeba. Early pictures suggest that they haven't quite got the spelling of "Greeba is Racing" right on the first draft, but this is probably down to the distraction caused by Cargo's imminent "bracing" announcement.

We have been far too harsh on Greeba. Now we should get behind the place and support the new tourist drive.
Although all the churches have closed down the place is steeped in history, as well as the blood of a hundred valiant sheep. As far away as Crosby they can still remember the smell of mutton from the post ethnic cleansing BBQ.
"Aim for the head", the seargant cried, "and we will have roast lamb for a month of Sundays lads".
Greeba has a material and folk culture going back thousands of years. It has St Patrick's chair (not sure as there was a boundary dispute years ago), it has a river of the same name, of course the famous Bridge and a public telephone. There is the Greeba Plantation previously called the King's Forest by those who are not quite up with the latest nomenclature. There is Greeba Mountain 422 metres above the Irish Sea and the Cronkdhoo campsite; what more could you want in a city?
The folk traditions are alive and well, just last May the whole town was out for the pagan dancing festival.

There is certainly more to Greeba than meets the eye.