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Post: #1 | Gorse Lea marshals report 1...response

Author: Anon
Posted on: Thursday, Jun 04 2009

As you know Gorse Lea marshals take their work very seriously and may not react well to any provocation.................. they'll be spitting feathers when they read this and there could be a serious bun fight.

So as a good forum admin should do I will post on behalf of our anonymous poster and publish his/her response in full.................

TTwebsite can in no way be held responsible for any injury or accident occurring as a result of any advice given in this goes

An Endangered Species

For those not familiar with the taxonomy of the Gorse Lea Marshals this may serve as an introduction to this dwindling population of hominids. Although not related they exhibit many similar features of the well known Gorse Lea Pheasant so there may be some justification in the local vernacular term of Gorse Lea Peasants. They are mainly males and exhibit the same sexual dimorphism of their avian counterparts, that is, the males regale themselves in colourful clothing and adopt a strutting gait as they go about their tasks. Unlike the pheasant these inhabitants of the Ballacraine area are very selective in their eating habits. The hearty plowman’s lunch and a jug of real ale are not for the peacocks of Gorse Lea, oh no, only the finest of cakes from the patisseries of the south will suffice. Only mugs of steaming English Breakfast tea from the house of Twinings can slake their enormous thirsts; not for them the Coke or coffee of the common herd.

Should you wish to spectate in this area a few tips here may be helpful:

1. If you inadvertently stray into a restricted area you may hear shrill or strident cries emanating from the GLMs, do not be distressed because they speak in a variety of dialects which are undecipherable to 90% of the English speaking population. Just move back until they quiet down and you will be in a safe area.

2. Most important when the road open car passes do not attempt to approach their roost in the bus shelter as they regard this as their exclusive stamping ground and will attack if provoked. Next to the Fairy Bridge and King Orey’s grave the GL bus shelter is considered a sacred site on the Island.

3. Do not be tempted to feed them as some years back two of them had to be taken to Ward 12 at Noble’s Hospital when they greedily accepted generic brand supermarket fruit cake from a well meaning member of the general public.

4. Should you need to seek advice from them it is a good idea to observe their pecking order for a time before making your enquiry. Choose those down the order as anyone in a position of authority may turn quite nasty if diverted from their organisational and gastronomical tasks at the refreshment table.

Please don’t be dissuaded by the forgoing from visiting Gorse Lea as with a little patience and a good pair of binoculars the enthusiast will be rewarded with a glimpse of a unique style of human behaviour which is fast becoming an anachronism.


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